My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize