"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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