This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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