Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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