he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
