VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
