The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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