..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
