He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
