I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
