what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
