either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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