So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
