she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
