Whoa Z and x make the same sound
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
