Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
