I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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