I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
