I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
