The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
