i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
