I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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