I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
