I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
