Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
