Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
