I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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