When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I wish I only lived at night.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I stole a fireplace last night.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Randomize
