broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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