Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
