Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
4 words: hood of his car
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
