last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
