I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize