if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
