it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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