so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
