You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
