whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Can I color on your dick again?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
