I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
