grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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