I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize