Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
