I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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