To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
