I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
