Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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