just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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