I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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