i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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