it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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