Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
