i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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