Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
