but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
