i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize