dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
operation have a gay friend backfired
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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