Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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