I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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