I think im going to throw up on grandma
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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