this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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