I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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