Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
