they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
