I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
