somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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