I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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