I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
