I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
